Autism…and God

I can already see the eye rolls and the doubting looks. What does God have to do with autism, something that cannot be taken away, has no cure, and is termed as a lifelong disability? Well, I had the same thoughts when we got the diagnosis.

Where is God?

Why did this have to happen to us, even after we had served the Lord faithfully for years?

Why did the baby we waited for have to be the one with autism? Wasn’t the wait enough of a trial?

My questions were endless, and there were no answers. All I heard were well-meaning comments from those around us, like “He will outgrow it,” “He’s not as bad as other kids,” “He looks better than the last time we saw him…” Parents of special needs kids will understand what these comments do to us.

Anyway – let me share the more important thing here – how God has revealed Himself to me through autism.

Autism has taught me that God’s timing is best

With autism, the milestones come at their own pace. Some kids talk late, while others speak and read when they are quite young. Some kids toilet train early, while others take a while to ditch the diapers.

We have had our share of milestones that we have struggled with. One of them is speech. At 2 years, my son was on one-word communication. One year later, he was still using single words. When he joined school, those few words disappeared. You can imagine how stressful that was.

Then one day, after watching a certain cartoon, we heard the words ‘Mummy’ and “Daddy’. I stopped what I was doing to listen again. After a few seconds, the words came out once more. How I had waited to hear those precious words come out of my son’s mouth! This could only have been a miracle from the Lord because we had not done anything to get these words out – no therapy, nothing.

There have been other milestones achieved since, all at God’s perfect time. I have learnt to trust that God’s timing is perfect. He desires that my son progresses at His pace, not mine.

It’s amazing how God teaches us some lessons. Through my son, I have learnt that waiting on God, though difficult, always yields the best results. Every time I am tempted to give up on the wait, I look at my son and marvel at what God has accomplished in His life so far, and I am encouraged to keep waiting and trusting.

Autism has taught me that God’s plan is perfect

God didn’t make a mistake with my son, or any other special needs kids. He knew exactly what He was doing when He placed this adorable little boy in my arms. It however took a while before I accepted this, and here’s why.

I had dreams for this boy. I had already planned where he would go to school, etc. I had hoped he would have a smooth transition from being a baby to a school-going little boy. I looked forward to the conversations we would have.

But none of these came to pass. We were instead given a little boy who would need our help for a long time, would learn differently, and would need therapy. There were no conversations. The potty was ignored. Outings were a nightmare.

Then God reminded me that He created my son for a reason. This reminder came when I was at one of my lowest points, at a point where I was ready to give up. God was not giving up on me, though, so He pushed this truth in my face until I accepted it!

I look back now and agree that my son has a purpose in this life that God is revealing in bits. The little man has surprised us in so many ways – especially with his reading skills. I now realize that my role here is not to play God and plan what will come next but to let God take care of what seems to be an uncertain future for me – a future that is well planned by the Lord.

Are you scared about the future? Not just your child’s future, but also your own? Remember that God knew you both before you were born, and He planned out all your days before they came to pass. Trust in Him. He knows best.

Autism has taught me to be grateful

Grateful, you say? Oh yes! I am grateful for so many things!

I am grateful for the people who have stepped in to walk with us over the years (doctors, teachers, and therapists), some even offering their services for free!

I am grateful for the family members who accept the situation and enjoy it with us, without asking too many questions and making judgements.

I am grateful for the friends who call when I need to have a normal conversation about the weather, etc.

I am grateful for the stray cat who made its home in our compound, satisfying my son’s need for animal company (he loves animals).

I am grateful for the joy that my son brings. When he is dull (which is rare, thank God) we are not ourselves and the house sounds like a cave.

I am grateful for everything that my son has taught us. He has taught us to be patient, and to appreciate small wins, and celebrate every milestone.

Lastly, I am grateful to God for giving us the grace to enjoy the happy moments and handle the challenging moments.

Autism has taught me that when I reach the end, God takes over

Every parent of an autistic child will tell you that reaching the end is not pretty. I will say that again – it is not pretty. By reaching the end, I refer to giving up and saying there is nothing more you want to do and nothing more you can do. A place where you begin to regret bringing your child into the world. A place where you wish you could run away from your life and never go back. What a terrible place to be at!

I have been there. Many of my fellow parents have been there.

Then God steps in.

I have heard stories from parents of how when they were at their worst, their children surprised them. In my case, my son finally agreed to poop in the potty when I was at home recovering from an illness. I saw that poop in the potty and almost took a photo of it because we had been waiting for ages for him to achieve this milestone. All this time I had been wondering why I had to go through such a frustrating period of illness. When I saw that poop, however, I understood why. My being at home was for my son’s benefit. God chose to use my circumstances to help my son learn to use the potty without pressure.

There have been other instances where God has stepped in for us, and each time He does so, I am reminded that He loves us and knows exactly what we are going through as parents. God also understands the challenges our children go through and often steps in to ease their physical, psychological, and emotional pain.

Are you at the point of giving up on your special needs child? Have you had enough? Leave everything in God’s hands. He will carry that burden for you and give you rest in the process. Let God handle the child that He created in His image, and prepare to see Him at work in your child’s life!

God definitely has lots to do with autism. He understands it, He knows how to deal with it, and He loves every person who is autistic. Nothing surprises Him, not even autism.