I always thought that true love was all about finding the right person – someone who would make my heart skip a beat whenever I saw him – a person who would make me feel all warm and fuzzy. I did meet that person, yes, and we did get married. The story didn’t end there, though. After the wedding came the next step, starting a family.
I soon had a beautiful daughter who was everything we had longed for. Soon, however, came the desire for a second child. This child was in no hurry to come along, though. Thankfully, after a season of trying to conceive, along came this chubby, doll-faced little boy, who was the darling of everyone he met.
You know how it goes – they grow up, and it’s time to go to school. Well, this little boy had a challenge. By the time he was supposed to go to school, he was not toilet trained! Not a problem, the school said, we will train him. That was not to be, because this little guy was not able to speak, and as such, was not able to express when he needed the toilet. He didn’t fit into the ‘normal child’ profile, and he didn’t fit into the school’s expectations. A few days later, he left that school and stayed home. A week or two later, he joined another school, but the story was similar – he just couldn’t fit in.
Fast forward to a couple of years later, when we decided to have a special needs assessment done. After a couple of false starts, we landed on this gem of a therapist who carefully assessed the little guy, and then sat us down and dished out the hard truth. The little guy had autism, and we had to deal with it. I had read about autism, and I knew what the implications were. Poor social interaction. Delayed speech. Delayed grasp of life skills. I was crushed. My perfect little guy would not have a normal life like every other kid – he would never fit in.
I fought. I looked for therapists. I went online and dug through every available resource. I joined support groups. I did everything I could to erase the word autism from his forehead and replace it with the word normal. Nothing worked, however, because my approach was all wrong. I didn’t understand this until one day, the little guy came out of the blue and told me, “I love you, mommy.” My heart skipped a beat, tears flowed down my cheeks, and it hit me – in my frantic search for a solution to autism I had forgotten all about love. I was too busy trying to change him into a normal child. At that moment, I gave up on my quest for a solution. It was now time to truly love my son, even though he didn’t fit in.
I wrote this article back in 2019 for a leading magazine, and they opted not to publish it. I stumbled upon it today and decided to post it here. My feelings have not changed. I still love this person who does not fit in!