Dealing with the diagnosis

How I wish I had read all this before my son’s diagnosis…

Getting the news that your child has a disability is not easy. Okay. That’s an understatement. It’s devastating. You have to start parenting all over again. Your dreams are crushed. You cry. You rant.

But you have to deal with it. I had to deal with it.

Let me share a few tips to help parents who are just starting on this journey.

Go through the grieving process.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

You are probably at one of these stages. After we got the diagnosis, I was in denial for a while, then I hopped into a depression for a couple of months. It was crazy. Next came anger and acceptance. I’m still oscillating between these two stages. I don’t think the grief ever ends – we learn to cope with it.

What stage are you at? Embrace it, deal with your feelings and then make your way out. Look at your child as a gift, not a burden. Focus on the positive things your child has brought into your life. Enjoy the good moments. And remember you’re not grieving alone. Many parents have been where you are, and they have made it through.

Don’t panic!

Yes, don’t panic. If you start running around looking for healing and intervention before you have processed the diagnosis, you may end up losing a lot of money and also messing up your child. Take time to think through what you have been told and do your research. Also, learn your child afresh, so that when you go for therapy, you’re able to guide the therapist on your child’s behaviour, likes and dislikes, etc.

In short, don’t rush into any intervention before you have thought through it and you’re ready for what it involves.

I panicked. We lost a lot of money and we didn’t have much to show for it. Now we are wiser.

Consult widely before you decide on a plan of action.

Let me remind you first of all that you’re not alone. There is a parent who has gone before you. Look for parent support groups where you can ask about the types of interventions, therapies, and also how to handle the stage your child is at. You can also get information and reviews about therapists in your area. Then you can decide on a plan of action.

I can’t emphasize this enough – CONSULT WIDELY.

Take a day at a time 

Fellow parents, there is no quick fix here. You have to take things a day at a time. Some days will be awesome – a milestone achieved, a new word, a new skill, or a positive report from school. Others won’t be as good – soiled underwear, tantrums, meltdowns, not cooperating during that expensive therapy session, etc. Accept that some days will not be good, and deal with them and move on trusting that the next day will be better.

I take a day at a time. Yes, I plan for what’s coming ahead, but whatever takes place today will remain here. Tomorrow is another day.

Lastly, dear parents, pray. God walks with us through this journey. He gave us these gifts to care for on His behalf, and He will give us what we need to do so. Lay your burdens at God’s feet and let Him carry you through.

All the best!