It’s been a while since I posted here, I know. Life as an autism parent happened. It just happened.
Last week, as I scrolled through my social media feeds, I came across a post by a mom of a newly diagnosed child. This post broke my heart. She was stressed and confused, asking how to handle her bubbly, active child who had suddenly been given a new label – autism. Her post attracted lots of hugs and encouraging words, which I thought was really good. People are now embracing the fact that parents of differently abled kids need support.
I thought about how it was when we first got our diagnosis. It was crazy. I had no idea where to start, and because I was also scared of the label, I made mistakes.
Here are the top three mistakes I made.
I panicked.
My friend, I panicked! I wanted to know how to fix this situation as soon as I could. To make matters worse, all the professionals we met would say that we needed to start intervention as soon as possible because time was running out! So I looked for therapists and started the intervention journey. That was a costly mistake. I spent a lot of money on things I thought would help my child – therapy, assessments, etc. There was nothing wrong with these things, though. The problem was how I approached the diagnosis. I should have taken time to process the news, read through the assessment reports over and over, connected with a supportive parent community, and thought through my options.
Lesson: Don’t panic when you get a diagnosis. Two or three months will not make a difference. Also, if you panic, your child will know something is wrong with them and even feel like you don’t love them any longer because they are different.
I forgot who my child was.
Before the diagnosis, I had a child with whom I had bonded for a few years. Why would a diagnosis make a drastic difference? In my case, unfortunately, it did. I started looking at him differently. I assumed that he would start behaving like all the other autistic children I was reading about. I forgot that he was a uniquely created individual, with his own strengths and weaknesses. What a huge mistake!
After several years of dealing with autism, I have learnt to put the diagnosis aside and look at my child as an individual. There is no other autistic child like him, and there will never be another. I am learning to celebrate his unique abilities and to laugh when he makes jokes that may not make sense to people out there, but make perfect sense to us. I have also learnt to appreciate that autism is just a label – it does not change who he is.
Lesson: Don’t let the diagnosis change how you view your child. Appreciate your child’s unique abilities and celebrate them. That will mean more to them than any intervention you do!
I didn’t involve God in the process as much as I should have.
I will be honest here – I wanted to fix my child. I wanted him to be normal, just like other children. I asked God to make what I had already planned work out, rather than asking Him what He intended for my child. Big mistake!!! From experience, when you decide to do things your own way and ask God to ‘approve’ them, He lets you go ahead until you crash and burn, and crash and burn I did! I have cried, ranted, and grieved about autism for years, but it’s only last year that it dawned on me that I am not in control. God is. He knows my child. He created my child for a purpose. He knows what autism is all about. He still has a plan for my child.
I finally stepped back and let God take over. It has not been easy, but I am glad that I am no longer doing this alone. God is in charge.
Lesson: Involve God in everything that concerns your child, especially this diagnosis that has you scared and confused. He created your child and is in control of everything. Let God help you bring up this child in the way He wants you to.
I have made so many other mistakes over the years, but these are definitely the top three. I hope you have learnt something from them! Lastly, let me say this again…
Don’t leave God out of the journey just because He allowed this diagnosis to come your way. Involve Him fully, and He will walk with you as you raise your child.