My autism story starts further back than I want to admit – at the age of 2 when my son had an illness that caused him to be admitted.
Wait – I forgot to introduce myself.
My name is Alison, mother to an adorable 6-year-old boy with autism. We got the diagnosis in April 2018, after a lengthy process.
Anyway, back to the story. So at around 2 years old, my son had to be admitted because of an infection that was causing a high fever. It is when we were in the hospital that I realized that he was not speaking as well as he was supposed to and that his self-care milestones were a little delayed. He got better, and we were discharged, but I still kept observing him, hoping that the delays would self-rectify.
They didn’t.
(For purposes of this story, I will call my son KK.)
So, when KK got to 3 years old, we decided to take him to school – a playschool where he would get to interact with his age mates and possibly get potty trained. The first school was a disaster, and he only lasted two weeks. We found another school where the teachers were patient and caring, and he made good progress. Now I could relax, or so I thought – until suddenly the curriculum moved from play to academics. My little guy was not interested in academics – all he wanted to do was play! That’s when our troubles began. The school reports were disheartening – poor finger control, unable to write letters and numbers, inability to draw, etc. etc. My heart broke every time I had to go see the teachers and get the school reports and exam papers.
After a year of going through this heartbreaking experience, we decided to get a diagnosis. Apart from the academic challenges, another thing that prompted our decision was the fact that his speech was still way behind that of his peers. KK had also toilet trained very late.
So, the long journey to getting a definitive diagnosis began. We started at our paediatrician, then went to a government institution, before getting the final diagnosis four months later from a private therapist. She was kind as she delivered the news, but also firm, explaining to us the realities of autism and how it would change our lives.
And that is how I became an autism mom.
A few days later, as I thought through my son’s earlier years, I realized that the signs had always been there, and we had ignored them, hoping they would disappear on their own. We could not ignore them any longer. We had to deal with them. And because we had gotten to know when he was already 5 years old, we only had a small window of opportunity in which we could act.
So the mad rush began. Searching for therapists, reading up on autism, getting to know other autism parents, and many other things. It was a real roller coaster ride! There was also the more difficult task of breaking the news to family and friends. And, there was the most important task of all, grieving and accepting the situation.
Friends, I grieved. I thought about all the dreams I had for KK, and how they had now gone up in smoke. I thought about how I would never be able to just let him go off to a birthday party on his own. I thought about how I would have to be deliberate about teaching him skills that other children were able to learn on their own. I thought about the opportunities he would miss because he was different.
The grief took a whole two months to end (it never really ends, by the way, you just cope better.) My faith in God was instrumental throughout this grieving process because I was able to talk to Him about everything and to ask Him all the hard questions.
After I was done grieving, I now started the acceptance phase. That’s where I still am, a year later. I have learnt to accept that KK is different and that he is gifted differently. I have accepted that his path will not be the same as that of his older sibling. I have accepted that God gave him to me for a reason. I have accepted that autism will not go away.
That’s my story.
Thank you for sharing your story Alison. It will not doubt encourage other parents and guardians. I am encouraged by how open you are to talking about the grief you went through, talking about the dreams and plans you had for your son. I’m in a couple of mom Facebook groups where you’re a member as well, and I salute you for the dedication you have with regard to educating other moms about raising children with autism and by extension -special needs children. You never tire. You may not quite know the extent of it, but be assured that your words of encouragement change lives. They inspire the desperate mom to keep walking the journey with her child. They let her know that despite the circumstances, she has lots to be grateful for. Please keep sharing your story, because it is the blessing that that parent who is grasping at straws desperately needs. May God bless you and your family as you bless others. Thanks again for sharing your autism journey.
Thanks for your kind comments, and for all the support over the years!
It soon touching. May your story encourage other moms who are facing the same predicament. From your former classmate – AGEC 90
Thank you so much for reading!
Am happy you writing, looking FWD to next blog
I need the outlet – I am sure you understand
I know you Alison at a personal level..
I know you are the best mom to your boy for I have seen you with the handsome young man…
Alison you intelligent and strong you gonna make it dear.
Thank you so much dear!
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV
https://bible.com/bible/1/2co.12.9.KJV
Good encouraging read Alison,you are a wonderful mum and KK will continue achieving more and more in his will
Amen and thank you so much!
I cannot thank you enough for sharing KK’s story. He is as much a part of our humanity as his sibling, and I bless you for reminding each one of us. And you write beautifully.
Thank you so much!
Alison you are my role model in parenting of special babies, i feels encouraged whenever i read your posts. KK will go far and do amazing things. One day i will get the courage to put down my story, God gave us miracle babies. Keep on dear
Hugs dear
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Hey there! This post couldn’t be written any better!
Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate!
He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this post to him.
Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
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Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning
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Your story inspires me a lot, Alison.
You have taken the bull by the horns. You are a great mum.
On Other matters: you used to beat me and everybody else in class ( primary school- it wasn’t funny then. Lol!
Hahaha what a good reminder! Thanks for reading!